Day 15: An Answered Prayer

 

Today is Day 15, and the project is in full swing.  While the first blog entry went up on the 11th, the actual project itself began on June 5, 2023.  So far, the results have been nothing short of miraculous.  I have been receiving guidance every day, and the information contained in it has been life changing to say the least.  Most of it has come through in the form of words or phrases that I have received in meditation or in periods of stillness through out the day.  The guidance is extraordinarily relevant and in reviewing all that has come through including the idea for this project, I am left with the clear understanding that this is nothing less than an answered prayer.  

At the time that I had the idea for this project, approximately a month ago, I was struggling with how I was going to move forward in my life.  None of the suggestions that people were making at the time were resonating with me, and I was feeling....well.....lost.   I had been living with a high level of anxiety for months, often debilitating anxiety, trying to figure out my next steps and worrying about my future.  Although I have been a believer in God since I was a little girl, relying on God has not always been something that I have reached for in crisis.  This time around, the panic set in, and I found that I was in so much fear that praying or seeking out God's assistance seemed anything but practical.  After all, I had been a believer in God and look where I ended up--in jail and on the street.  I figured I would just try and muscle my way through and somehow figure things out.  But after a couple months of the struggle with relatively few concrete answers coming from the physical world, I decided that I would once again give it a shot and see where prayer and a little faith in God might lead me.   

Initially, instead of traditional prayer, I bought a journal and decided that I would write to God every day as my form of prayer.  I had done that years ago, while I was still in my twenties and newly involved with Al-anon and the 12 step recovery movement.  My mother was a recovering alcoholic who helped me discover Al-anon (a support group for friends and families of alcoholics) , and even though I had had 13 years of Catholic school before I got there, it was really there that my conscious relationship with a Higher Power began.  Back then, I journaled every day for years to establish and cultivate a relationship with God, and I decided that if it could work for me then, there's no reason it couldn't work for me again now.  

My intention with journaling now is to be as vulnerable and honest as possible and to bring all my concerns to God in my entries.  Transparency and vulnerability have incredible healing power just in the sheer act of communicating that way so for the first couple days, my entries all started out the same:  "Good Morning God.  I am so scared.  Where are you?  Please help me.  I don't know what direction to go in.  Please help me find my way" or some variation of that. 

On Day 2 of my journaling efforts, May 18, I went out for coffee with a friend of mine and shared with him what I was doing with my journaling.  I described how I was beginning to ask God for help with everything I was going through.   I had shared specifically with him my attempts through journaling to reach out to God by saying  "Where are you, God?  I need you."  To my surprise, he asked me if I had had a response from God in any way.  He said when he prays that God often makes it a point to answer him back in big ways like through the synchronicity of the lyrics of a song or the wording on a sign that seems to answer his prayer or confirm his direction.  Immediately after he asked the question, I heard the word ubiquitous.  Since I don't use the word, I didn't know what it meant so I had to look it up.  It means "present, appearing or found everywhere".  To both of us sitting there, it was obvious that I asked "Where are you God?" and the answer came right through that He is everywhere.  And that was how it began......

In the days that followed, there was more intermittent guidance in words, phrases and visions that began to come forward more and more often.  I set the intention just to be the observer and to try and understand what was being communicated to me.  By Day 1 of the project itself, June 5, that kind of synchronistic guidance was becoming more of the norm as I began with the practices outlined in the project itself:  journaling, (traditional) prayer, meditation, breath-work, affirmations, etc.  I began keeping track of it all in a notebook so I could be clear about what the guidance has been and when it has come through.   

On Day 3 of the project, June 7, while I was on my way to Starbucks, I heard the words "desultory path".  Desultory is also not a word I use on a regular basis, and I found that when I looked it up it meant "lacking a plan, purpose or enthusiasm" according to Oxford languages dictionary.  That resonated completely.  I had spent the previous couple months in the absence of each of those things--path, purpose and enthusiasm.  I was wandering aimlessly to a large degree, not really knowing what else to do at the time, and hearing those words helped me to see that.  Through the efforts I was making through the project itself, I was seeking to change that--to find my next steps and a clear path forward.  A couple of hours later, I heard the words "The Awakened Millionaire:  Begin".

The Awakened Millionaire is a book by Joe Vitale and not one that I had ever planned on reading.  In fact, I had never even heard of it except for a casual glance at it a couple days before as I was looking for another book.   As I began to listen to it, I was moved to tears.  The book encourages people to combine their passion and their desire to make a difference in the world in order to serve humanity.  As I listened, it felt as if God was speaking directly to me--perhaps calling me forward toward my original dream of becoming an inspirational speaker, writer and intuitive healer.  I'm staying open for more "marching orders", or "strong internal directives" as Julia Cameron calls them in her classic book the Artist's Way.  

Today is Day 15, and since Day 3, I have been given a list in meditation of over 25 spiritual and personal development books to read and master and the list continues to grow.  I will just be going along with my day and in a silent moment, I will be given a book title or an author.  While many of them were not on the original list of books that I wanted to read, they are all books from extraordinary spiritual or personal development teachers that have each made an incredible contribution on the planet.  I feel incredibly blessed by the guidance that continues to roll in every day.  When I started the project, I intended to read the top teachers and every day, I have been given another name to add to the list.  Simply put--it's miraculous!

When I wake up each day, I have been praying for the courage to continue to put one foot forward by following through on all of the elements of the treatment plan as well as the course corrections that my guidance provides.  While I don't always do it perfectly, I refuse to give up, and I continue to ask for Divine assistance in staying the course both in the morning and before I go to sleep at night. 

As I already mentioned, I am treating the information that comes in as an answered prayer, and while I do not know at this time where it will all lead, I am doing my best to show up and follow through with every passing day.

Today, above all, I am grateful....